Long Distance Fitness Blog

Ok so the title was the first thing I litterally thought of. LOL Currently I am sitting  at work, with little to really do although I could be getting a project started for a friend at work, but my projects are all transfered over and I wish I had enough sick time to take off tomorrow. but I only have 5 hours. Ugh. I suppose I could use that and 2 hours of vacation. I think I have like 5 hours of that too. I want to, but I won’t. I will come in and do nothing, like I have pretty much done all day long. I did go to the gym yesterday. I should have tried harder. I can’t go today because I have a Dr. Appointment for my eyes and then I will probably go home, sit on my ass and then do nothing. Why because. Just because. Well it is freaking hot here right now. I want it to cool down so we can go on a bike ride or something, but it won’t.

Jon is also wanting to leave his job again. We had a plan and now he is wanting to back out of the plan. They basically don’t want to lay him off because it costs them money. Money that they have to pay regardless, but it also saves them money on health insurance and what not. It is fucking stupid. It sucks because now we have to try to find him a different job. I think he is going to try to get his Guard card and become a security guard part time. Hopefully he will get it and then he will start working as a security guard. They seem to be starting around 10 an hour which is way less than what he is making now and part time he would have been making nearly 14,500 going part time and that is obviously before taxes and making 10 an hour he will be making 10,400 part time before taxes. Overall I am stressed. the new job helps financially but it sort of makes me upset because he should be trying harder to find a different job if he really wants to but he isn’t. So it pisses me off. But what can you do? I can’t baby him and if he wants something he has to go out there an get it. I can’t keep giving him everything.

I have done a lot for him in the last year. I have supported him wanting to go to school, I have supported him with wanting to go part time, I have supported him when he wanted to get his guard card, I have supported him when I did his application and resume for the internship. But I feel like this is getting ridculous. There just has to be something that he can do on his own and I said to him that I don’t support him walking in there to quit because he has done nothing to even try to get another job first. I didn’t quit PBG without having a job first and I didn’t give notice here that I was quitting before I had another job offer. It just doesn’t make sense. You can feel defeated. You can feel disgruntled, but if you feel that way then you need to do something about it and take the time after work or during work or whatever and get your shit together and apply for jobs and have your resume out there and what not. If you aren’t going to do that then you can’t quit your job. Bottom line. You have a family. We are a unit. What I do affects him and what he does affects me. That is just how it works and I don’t think he really understands that. Even when I was living with you I made 14 an hour. I think when we moved in together he was making 11 or 12 an hour I think 11. Not sure though and he went up to 14 an hour, so I would be happy if he could get a part time job working for 11 an hour. I would prefer 14 part time, but who knows.

I think with me it is frusterating too because I go to school and I work full time. Why can’t other people do that. He is like well I will be going full time. I am like you are only taking 2 classes every 8 weeks and they are at night. I think you need to get into it before you start making a bunch of decisions. You have to sacrifice for a little bit in order to be in a better position but I feel like he doesn’t want to or he is scared to. I honestly don’t know. I am scared too because I sacraficed everything to be married to Dan and to pay his debts and support him and I feel like I deserve to have a certain standard of living because I have worked hard for it, and not to mention we deserve to have certain things because we need them. Jon’s truck is months away from being useless to us and it is so frusterating that he doesn’t see things the way that I see them. And I feel like he needs to see the big picture but he only sees the little picture and he says he has wanted to quit for years and I said to him well you haven’t made any effort to make changes. You haven’t looked for other jobs, you haven’t put in resumes so how can you quit when you haven’t taken the proper procedures to actually quit.

He has talked to his employer on several occasions but they haven’t done anything. So I told him that he needs to be signed up for school and that he can tell them that August 22 is when you start school and that you need to be gone from there so they need to hire someone. That it isn’t fair what they are doing to him and that he took a huge pay cut to work there and they promised him that the would be somewhere else than he is now but they haven’t delivered on any promises. They are going to apparently talk to the upper bosses his current supervisors, but at this point I think Jon is burning bridges with them and they are burning bridges with him too because of all the promises and no delivery. We understand the economy really affected them, but it affects everyone. You spend the majority of your time at your place of business and this was supposed to be a career for him not just a job. He wasn’t supposed to completely start all over when he was 27 but it is what it is. So now I am stuck with trying to help him find other alternatives for employment which is fine, but at the same time I am stressed out.

Trying for a baby seems so silly. I don’t even know why I took my IUD out. Clearly we aren’t ready. Stress is just too high personally. Professionally, I think I finally found a career. Of course I will finish school because it is necessary, but I probably won’t be a teacher because I just can’t make the money there like I can doing what I am doing. But either way. Just personally I am so stressed out with Jon and his school and his career moves that I don’t know what to do. I am so looking forward to your wedding. Just to get away for 4 days is going to be a relief. Even if I am pregnant then, just to get away and get our toes done or something… Just to have a coffee and relax with you will do wonders for my mood.

As far as my fitness goes, I will keep chugging along and hope that things get better. That is really all I can do.

I miss you so much. I wish I could pay for you to come out here for your last who ra! Maybe we could look into tickets and I could and I just wouldn’t tell Jon I paid for it. That could be a present to you from us? I don’t know that was horribly selfish of me to offer that. But I just miss you. I wish I had you here now. Coffee and a walk around the block sounds great.

Love,

Jax

Well, that is the number of pounds I techniqually need to lose to be in my ideal body weight zone. FML. I mean I can’t believe I need to lose that much. I just wish it was easier. I wish I had the drive to go out there and get what I want every day. But honestly I am bitter that I have to work so hard to obtain even a fraction of that. I am disgusted at myself. I hate looking at myself in the mirror when I pass by it and I am secretly deathly afraid to get pregnant have have a huge belly on my frame. I hate my legs, I hate my arms, I hate my stomach. I actually could live with my stomach if I didn’t have my legs and my arms and my hips. I feel like I am one huge ball of lard. I feel gross and so disappointed with myself. I am angry that I can’t keep up and really the only fun I have at the gym is when I am alone. I miss having a budy that even knew slightly what I feel like and every time Jon says you can do it or your are doing so great I just want to tell him to shove it. I know he means well and I love him for it, but I feel patronized sometimes. What happened to me and why can’t I lose the weight? I feel like I am teatering at 205-214 and I just can’t get under that. I should weigh between 124-136.6 I would LOVE to weight that much. LOVE LOVE LOVE! How can I get the energy to do that? I miss you so much I could cry. I wish we lived closer. I knew we wouldn’t always but with your wedding date looming and me living so far away as I get older it gets harder and harder.

Oh and I purposely sabotage myself. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I know what I am eating is crap but I do it anyways…. I need more motiviation. you think a baby would be one… I don’t know it isn’t. I feel almost depressed.

I miss you,

Jacks

The doctor says I’m “obese”….doesn’t it suck being this height that we are? I know you have like 2 inches on me but it’s close…but it’s like every pound puts you closer to being obese because we’re so damn close to the ground…

Anyways despite my efforts I am just sort of hanging out at my maximum weight I’ve been at, which makes me think I am just fooling myself about how I am healthy all day but god when it comes to when I eat with Steve, it all goes to hell. I’m going to try to do a water, vegetables, fruit type of flush this week, and like triple my intake of those things and eat very little of anything else. Would never work for me long term but if I could just kinda do it for even 5 days I am thinking MAYBE I will feel a little better….my skin is icky, i have ow energy…so we’ll see what happens.

Which reminds me of why I got on here…lunch suggestion:

you’ve had strawberry salad, I assume? Well usually there’s like a cream based or olive oil based dressing with it…but if you add salsa, it’s delicious! and it’s just like having more vegetables on top of your vegetables, can’t go wrong with that.   I just had a strawberry, tomato, iceberg lettuce salad with salsa on top and some red pepper flakes. tomatoes and red pepper flakes are both supposed to be metabolism boosters as well because of the capsacin.

anyways I miss you, are you still doing weight watchers? let me know if you’ve made progress in the last couple of months.

-Mel

Hey..so getting on here and seeing that my last post was in March, 3 full months ago, and that I have only dropped about 2 lbs. and maybe 1/2 an inch off of my stomach really uh…really put things into perspective. Like I need to pick it up. I procrastinate about everything in my life. What the hell am I waiting for? How does time just continue to pass pass pass me by?

Anyways..I do hope you’re doing better than me. I am rooting for one of us to succeed.

-Mylynda

Hey…I am feeling sick sortof and don’t have a ton of time to write because I promised Steve I would not hang on my computer long (but I will definitely write a longer entry tomorrow as I need to)…but I am sorry to hear about what is going on with you this past week, and though are situations are different in some ways I definitely sympathize! I also did not really work out this week…actually, I didn’t work out at all, now that I think about it. It’s like all the sudden it’s Friday and I just suddenly realized “wow, I didn’t do jack shit this week, how am I ever going to take this weight off?” I guess in a way I was busy because of my up and down work schedule, and on Monday night we went to a show, and Tuesday I was at work for like 14 hours because we had a shift manager meeting…but still. I am not making enough of an effort, I know I am not. I am making excuses. but same thing like you said…the awful thing was that this week I really didn’t give a shit if I worked out or not. Obviously if I did than it would have happened. One of the worst parts of it is that a bunch of people from my work all joined the same gym, so I decided to jump on the bandwagon and use group motivation of going with other people to actually go and do it…and now I”ve officially been paying for a new gym for 2 weeks and have gone ZERO times. I suck at life.

On a better note I got “accepted” to Sinclair Community College…I say that with quotes because I am pretty sure it is one of those schools where they will accept you no matter what. I will tell you more about that tomorrow but…I am going back to school! Starting in June.

No weddng planning or anything yet…fyi. I do kind of want to start to kind of outline things soon though, so that we can set a budget and timeline and work towards it and things don’t just creep up on us. I don’t know if Steve will see the logic in that or not or just think I am freaking out, and maybe I am, but oh well…he’s better with money than I am so he will hopefully understand what i mean and agree to start at least setting a date and a general tone for the event.

I hope you have a good weekend, more from me tomorrow. Maybe we can talk, though tomorrow we are going to see Alice in Wonderland hopefully and than we are kind of having an engagement party tomorrow night.

Miss you!

One of women’s weight loss best friends, Women’s Health magazine, as you know has tons and tons of articles that are somewhat helpful and insightful…but I liked the different nature of this one. I like REAL tips. Click the link to see what I mean!

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/nutrition/nutrition-myths-0?page=0